


Unexpected

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Series: Lifelong Love Letter [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: F/M, Panic Attacks, Unexpected Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 07:53:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: It's spring 2013 and Seb and Y/N has been dating for about 5 months when she has some unexpected news for him





	Unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> All chapters in this series can be read as one shots even if I hope you'll enjoy them as a whole. Everything is written out of order but I will try and place them in order within the collection

Sebastian felt as if he couldn’t breath when the door closed behind him in the comfort of his own apartment. He had no idea how he had even gotten here from her place. He didn’t remember the walk or taking the subway. The interaction he had with Y/N earlier was all that replayed in his mind as he sunk to the floor with his back against the wall.

He had been more than a little surprised by her call since he knew she was on tour. Sure, there was a few days break in her schedule, but he hadn’t expected her back in New York until next week. He had felt horrible but he already made plans with a group of friends for the night. He had offered her to come along with them, but she had declined and asked him to come over to talk which had instantly caused his anxiety to spike.

He thought they were doing well. He knew he had a tendency to push girlfriends away and not always be emotionally available to them. But with her he felt things had been going great. They had been friends first and Sebastian adored her. He didn’t want to lose her. He had called Will to let the guys know he’d be a little late and headed for place. On the way there he managed to calm himself down a little, deciding that no matter what happened he wasn’t going to lose her. If she didn’t see them going anywhere as a couple he would be devastated, but he wanted to stay in her life as her friend.

_“Hi,” Sebastian smiled when she opened the door, but his expression fell when she didn’t return it. She barely replied letting him enter her apartment, following her to the living room._

_“Do you want something to drink?” She shifted on her feet, looking nervous and uncomfortable as Sebastian sat down on her couch. It hurt him to see her like this. He wasn’t sure what had happened to cause this. He couldn’t remember her ever acting like this around him. He hated it. He wanted her to feel safe with him and be able to talk about anything._

_“No. Y/N just come. Sit down with me?” Sebastian held out his hand to her and he sighed in relief when she took it. She let him guide her to sit next to him on the couch but her nervousness didn’t disappear. She was fighting with a magazine on the table and barely looking at him._

_Sebastian tried his best to stay calm, but her behavior was triggering his anxiety. He wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to pull her against him and hold her until she relaxed. He just wasn’t sure if he was allowed too. He had no idea what was going on and the uncertainty scared him._

_“What’s wrong? Honey?” Sebastian pushed, carefully taking her hand. She didn’t push him away. That was a good sign right?_

_“I’m sorry, I made a mistake,” she sniffled, not looking up at him and Sebastian felt as if his heart stopped. His mind jumped to the worst conclusion, but he didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. Actually, he hated himself for the thought to have even entered his mind. He trusted her and she had never once given him a reason not to. She wouldn’t cheat on him. That wasn’t who she was. She just phrased her sentence weirdly. Right?_

_“I didn’t know you were coming up to see me so I didn’t really pay attention to the dates. I didn’t have too since… I was so happy to see you and we got drunk so I forgot,” she rambled causing Sebastian to frown, thoroughly confused now. This definitely had nothing to do with another person. This was about them, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what she was talking about._

_“Y/N. Slow down, darling. I don’t understand…” Sebastian started, before she interrupted him looking straight into his eyes as she spoke._

_“I’m pregnant.”_

_Sebastian felt as if the wind was knocked from his lungs. He just stared at her, his mind had gone completely blank. He couldn’t feel his own body and his throat almost closed up. He had no idea what to say or how to react. Sure, he wanted kids. Eventually. Yes, he thought that he might want them with Y/N. He loved her and he felt more connected to her than he had to anyone before her. But they had only been dating for five months. They had known each other for about a year sure, but they didn’t live together. They had never even talked about this._

_“Seb. Say something,” she pleaded, but Sebastian just opened and closed his mouth as a fish out of water. His mouth were dry and his heart was racing as black spots formed behind his eyes._

_He wanted kids or so he thought right up until reality of what she said started to really hit him. What if he would be a horrible father? He didn’t have any siblings. Not that he grew up with at least. No one he had had to take care of. He didn’t have any clue how to do this. He couldn’t do this._

_“I have to go. I’m late,” Sebastian mumbled, getting off the couch rushing out the door. He didn’t hear her crying or calling his name over the pounding of his own heart._

“Fuck!” He yelled out into the room, his fist hitting his own head as he replayed what had happened in his mind. He had run out on her. How the fuck could he do something like that? He got off the floor and rushed back outside. He locked the door behind him and took the stairs two at the time, running for the subway. Not until he was inside the train did he allow himself to breath or even think.

Tears pooled in his eyes, but he held them back. He had to get back to her. He had to fix this. How the fuck could he have been so stupid? He loved her and no matter what had happened or what was going to happen that wouldn’t ever change. Could she ever even feel the same way about him again after tonight though? She had been terrified and instead of holding her and assuring her they were going to figure this out he had abandoned her.

Sebastian ran from the subway, slipping into her building by holding the door for one of her elderly neighbors who recognized him with a smile. Sebastian ran up the stairs, taking a deep breath before knocking on her door. He had barely been gone an hour but he knew it had to feel like much longer than that to her.

There was no reaction or even movement to hear behind the door which scared the shit out of him.

“Y/N! Please let me in,” he called knocking the door again. “I’m sorry. Please. I…”

He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he also didn’t get to finish before the door opened. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were puffy and red with tears still streaming down her cheeks. Never in his life had Sebastian felt like a more horrible person than he did in that moment. He hated she was hurting in the first place, but knowing he had caused her pain was even worse. He loved her and hurting her was the last thing he wanted. He was supposed to make her feel safe and loved. He wasn’t supposed to make her cry.  

“Oh God. Honey, I’m so sorry,” Sebastian quickly stepped inside and pulled her into his arms, letting the door close behind them. She started sobbing violently and her legs buckled under her. Sebastian followed her to the floor, never letting go and making sure she didn’t hurt herself as she clung to his shirt.

“I love you. I’m so sorry,” Sebastian repeated over and over again, gently rocking her in his arms as she finally seemed to begin to calm down a bit. The dam broke and tears streamed down his face when she pushed herself away from him. The blank stare in her eyes was gone and replaced with an accusing look.

“You left. I told you I’m pregnant and you left me,” her voice was barely above a whisper and it almost still broke with Sebastian’s heart before she got the last word out.

“I’m sorry…” Sebastian repeated, lowering his head when she interrupted, yelling at him as she pushed herself off the floor and got up.

“You left me!”

He wasn’t sure if she was pissed or terrified or both. It didn’t even matter, not matter what she was feeling she had every right. He had fucked up and he knew it. What was worse he didn’t have the slightest clue how to fix it.

He was still terrified. He still felt his heart race faster when he thought about the baby, but he didn’t want to lose her. Right now she was all that mattered and they could figure everything out together.

Sebastian got up as she turned on her heels disappearing into the living room. He was hesitant to follow her but he couldn’t leave her again. She would have to throw him out before he did that. She might be pissed with him right now, but they were in this together. It wasn’t her mistake or her baby. It was theirs.

Standing in the doorway he watched her pace the floor. She looked like a caged lion at first but soon her energy changed again and she sat down on the couch in the same spot he had left her. She looked up at him as if she was trying to understand what he didn’t even get himself.

“You don’t want it, do you?” she asked and the tears started streaming down her face again. Sebastian quickly moved to kneel between her legs, taking her hands in his.

“Honestly? Y/N, I don’t know what I want. I know I want you. I know I shouldn’t have left. I don’t know why I did it. I felt as if I could breath and I…” Sebastian looked down and their joined hands. He felt guilty and ashamed. Of all the ways he could have reacted he had chosen the absolute worst.

“You had an anxiety attack,” she finished for him, giving his hand a squeeze and he looked up. She didn’t look angry anymore. Still sad and still in pain which he hated, but at least she wasn’t about to throw him to the curb.

“What are we going to do?” she whispered and Sebastian instantly moved to sit beside her on the couch. He pulled her into his arms, like he should have an hour ago. He held her and let the familiar feeling calm his mind. He didn’t answer and he knew he didn’t have too. Not right away. She just clung to him and took comfort in the fact he was there.

Sebastian tried to imagine a future with more than just the two of them as he sat there with her. Surprisingly the thought didn’t scare him as much as the initial shock had. He was still unsure what kind of father he would be, but he knew Y/N would be an amazing mom.

The thought of a little version of her almost made him smile despite everything. He did want this with her. It wasn’t like it was the first time he had imagined it either. It had come as a surprise and a hell of a lot sooner than he had thought. That didn’t change the fact that he wanted kids and he loved the woman in his arms. Sebastian took a deep breath before pulling back a little. He ran his hands up and down her arms in a soothing motion before he started to speak.

“I’m sorry how I reacted, Y/N. And I will be for the rest of my life. You didn’t deserve that,” he began, but she just shook her head. She knew about his anxiety and he knew she already forgave him. That didn’t make it right in his mind though and he still swore he was going to make it up to her somehow.

“I love you and I do want to have kids with you,” she looked up into his eyes with surprise written all over her face. Sebastian couldn’t help but smile a little. “The more I think about this the more I want it, but honey, it’s not my choice. It’s yours. If you think it’s too soon I’m going to be at the clinic holding your hand. If you want this…”

Sebastian took a deep breath smiling when he saw different tears form in her eyes. She looked so relieved and he felt as if he could breathe again. “God, I hope you do want this. But no matter what I love you and that’s not going to change.”

Sebastian felt as if seconds were hours as he studied her face. Finally she smiled a little and sniffling as she spoke, “we’re having a baby.”

“Yeah?” a huge smile broke on Sebastian’s face and she laughed throwing her arms around her neck, letting him catch her.

“We’re having a baby,” he repeated her words, burying his face against her neck before she suddenly jerked back, looking at him wide eyed.

“You’re late! Will and the other’s have got to have left without you now,” she exclaimed and Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh, gently wiping the tears from her face.

 **“You’re the only person I wanted to be with tonight**  anyway,” he answered with a playful smile, making her laugh and cuddly up against him.

“We’re in over our heads,” she sighed, but her words didn’t scare him. They just made him chuckle and pull her closer getting comfortable on the couch with her.

“Yeah. But we have each other so we’ll be alright,” he promised kissing the top of her head, knowing he wasn’t lying. With her there was nothing he couldn’t do.


End file.
